Back to Blogging

So it’s been a while since I’ve blogged.

To be honest, the depression and anxiety fully kicked my butt, and it was So. Much. Harder. to get my eating back on track than I anticipated, partly due to the anxiety and depression and partly due to the fact that I increased in my intake and my metabolism zoomed through the stratosphere and my weight crashed a bit. I was never in medical danger, but I ended up with a bit of a deeper hole to climb out of than I anticipated.

I thought about my blog a lot. At first, the apathy overwhelmed me. I wanted to want to blog, but I couldn’t quite work up the energy. Then I made it to wanting to blog, but not having the energy. And then I wanted to blog but didn’t have the time.

I also had a lot of Big, Important Things happening around then. I got engaged (for reference and anonymity, I will call him Mr. Bites), which was really exciting. Yes, I met him online. It took a while because my matches were generally like this:

cat dating

I also was reporting on a story that was very emotionally draining, and although it was a great experience to write the story, I frequently ended the day wanting a vodka and Prozac on the rocks.

Then, just as the depression started to lift a bit, I got slammed with work in December. Let’s just say that I told Mr. Bites that if I ever voluntarily take on that much work again, he’s to smack me upside the head. The paychecks will be *very* nice, but it came at a very high price.

Now, however, I have a bit of breathing space- one big deadline on Monday and then I hope (fingers crossed!) the worst of the insanity will have passed.

As for how I’m feeling now: not great, not horrible. I am, however, feeling much more steady about things even if my mood is still kind of meh. Stable I can handle. I feel like I have more than a snowball’s chance in hell of being able to cope with what might come my way.

On that note, I’m letting you know that I will be returning to blogging on a regular basis as my workload lets up a bit.

Thanks everyone! I missed you!

 

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19 Responses to “Back to Blogging”

  1. Welcome back! Stable is good.

  2. Great to have you back. I’m so glad your on the mend. Thank you for being so real and reminding me I am not alone in this. Congratulations on your engagement.

  3. And we’re all looking forward to that. After all, we should always look forward ;)

  4. Welcome back- out of the depths of December (is that month good for anyone?)- and into 2014. Can’t wait to see what else you might have to say. I’ve missed your posts.

  5. Great to see you again! I’m glad you are feeling better, and hope for more improvements and smoother sailing ahead. And congrats on the engagement!

  6. So happy to hear that you are coming out of the crash – and feeling more stable.
    And hopeful. It does sound like too much is too much – and Mr Bites better smack you in the head if you take on too much.
    So glad you can get back to your blog only when your workload lets up. Everyone is happy to have you whenever that will be.

  7. It’s no sprint. Welcome back and lots of strength to you.

  8. Well poop : I’m sorry that you kind of fell in a hole. And yeah, we sure can do a lot of pondering about all the things we *should* be doing. Wouldn’t it be great if we could use that same energy to actually do them ? Oh that brain of ours !

    And oh that lucky Mr Bites, and lucky you as well !

    There’s times when we think it will never happen, and we’ll be stuck with our cat….of which mine is sitting here next to me right now.

    All by way of saying welcome back. :-)

  9. ‘FUNNY” i was just wanting to revisit your blog resently because i was /am going through a very twisting path. congrats on your “perfect match” sounds like a keeper. i met mine same way. stick with him. he will give you the hope and journey to follow you through. look at the “prozac andvodka” as a temp. glitch in the process. keep openinig up and be very HONEST with yourself and with him. afterall he is your soulmate. i am probably a number of years older than you. my stuff is said to be chronic and is “killing me softly” man…having this linger all these years has caught me by the butt. i have come to terms to face everday as a step,wheather its ahead or backwards. i am down to see my social worker. given up on past inquires of possible studies and intense programs. it came down to finding things wrong with me to detract in actuality is all i need to do is GAIN some serious nweight , and the strength and reasonalble health will come back. so all i also need to do is be genuine to what is actually happening. stay calm and carry on. all the best.

  10. Transparency,
    simplicity too, hang in there,
    Thank you Carrie,

  11. Carrie, that’s such fantastic news, many many congratulations! And keep bashing at the ED – hopefully ‘Mr Bites’ will be able to help you with your own ‘bites’ so that they don’t seem to be quite so much feeling as though you’re biting off more than you can chew with recovery. And try to hang on to not giving up (EVER!!!) I read a quote the other day which helped keep me going, can’t remember the exact words, but it was something along the lines of ‘Never give up – exactly when you’re about to give up is exactly when a miracle is about to happen…’ And who knows, maybe that’s true, maybe it isn’t, but surely it’s worth holding on long enough to find out…?! Good luck, and keep going! :)

  12. Welcome back :)

  13. Congrats on the engagement =)

  14. I was getting worried this site was down! I’m glad you are back and congrats on the engagement.

  15. Glad you are back.
    I always appreciate your writing, the technical info, your personal sharing and just the clarity of your writing style.

    Thanks for all you give.

  16. Thanks for sharing your struggle- I’ve had a rough few weeks….ok, months…and your blog is always something I look forward to reading because of your honesty & what I learn from reading them! Would you ever be interested in guest blogging for the recovery blog I write for? Anyways, take care, you’re AWESOME :)

    • Thanks for your kind words. As much as I’d love to guest blog, I will have to take a rain check because I’m swamped with work.

  17. welcome back even if you’re still Meh…

    Meh is fine for now…

  18. Welcome back…I am inwardly rejoicing to have stumbled upon your blog…via Lorie’s column “Drop It and Eat”….I used to get a feed to your posts on my old computer…but had not been receiving them in my inbox…

    Thank you for your honest…tell-it-like-it is and FEELS ..prose.

    I go into hospital tomorrow for a long-term stint to battle this ten year “leech” of anorexia…and hope to learn how to permanently remove it this go-around.

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