Trying to accept change

Like so many people with EDs, I’m not all that into change. I don’t like it. I prefer what I know. I’m okay with trying new things in small doses, but it has to be on my terms or else I freak.

Case in point: my knitting group got a whole bunch of new members this week. Actually, some of them were there last week, too, but I wasn’t, so everyone is new this week. At first I was really unsettled. Several “regulars” were there, but I was sitting surrounded entirely by people I had never really met. Considering that this involved change AND meeting new people, and my brain was having a Class A hissy fit. I almost left–but I had been working on finishing up some Christmas gifts and I was still sipping my latte, so I stayed.

Somewhere in the middle, I started to relax. To try and go with the flow. To remember that many of the regulars were once new people, and they were now a crucial part of our little group. I tried to focus on the fact that we were all yarn junkies, and all there for the same general purpose.

Really? It ended up being not all that bad. The new girls (we do have one male in our group, who does actually knit. His work is just beautiful) won’t replace those who have left, and it wouldn’t be fair for me to ask them to. That’s just not how it works. But at the same time, they were fun to be around, and you can’t really hope for much more than that.

I’m reminded of every time Facebook changes the layout of the pages. At first, everyone pisses and moans and starts groups that say “Bring back the OLD Facebook!” What’s ironic is that the layout will change once again, and people will start getting all starry-eyed for the layout they once protested. It has become their new normal. They got used to it. And they will get used to the new changes, too.

I’m trying to remind myself that not all change is bad. It’s inevitable, and it’s not always positive, but it’s also not always bad, either. I don’t think I will ever be fully comfortable with change, and I don’t know that I need to make that my goal. There are lots of things in life that I don’t like (changing the kitty litter, paying bills, etc) but I know have to be done and so I do them. Maybe that’s how I need to start understanding change and new things in my life. I often can’t stop things from changing, so accepting it is the next best step.

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4 Responses to “Trying to accept change”

  1. Like they say, “what we resist, persists.” I’m also super OCD (clinically) so of course any change to my comfortable routine is usually catastrophic before I remember that it’s always inevitable, that I’ve been through it before and either have to adapt or be miserable complaining about the new change.

    Do I like it? Most often, no. I would honestly prefer the predictability and stability my routines afford me in an unpredictable and unstable world. But sometimes being forced to adapt and create new routines opens up a whole new avenue of things…if I let it.

  2. Living here in the beautiful desert southwest, I need to travel a bit to enjoy the change of seasons. I live somewhat far from the ocean, so I also need to travel to watch the change of tides. Both are Nature’s constants. When I struggle with unexpected changes (and usually it’s the unexpected change that is unsettling and I think that’s what you’re writing about here, Carrie), I’m helped by remembering that change is going on all the time and to push the “restart” button for another perspective. Thank you for this piece today and for offering me an opportunity to reflect on this topic again!

  3. “Class A hissy fit”–have you copyrighted that term? Love it. Great reminder we all need to learn to be more flexible and put our assumptions and judgements aside–at least till we give things a try.

  4. I like the bit about sitting with the new experience until you began to relax. My therapist says about anxiety, “Breathe through it like a contraction. It will pass.” So much of recovery is like that- experiencing these new sensations and routines- feeling full- eating more- eating on a holiday- after a holiday- it all feels so different and upsetting (to put it mildly). But if you sit with the newness and just keep breathing, you slowly begin to adjust. The hope is that one day it will feel “normal.”

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