Trying to accept change
Like so many people with EDs, I’m not all that into change. I don’t like it. I prefer what I know. I’m okay with trying new things in small doses, but it has to be on my terms or else I freak.
Case in point: my knitting group got a whole bunch of new members this week. Actually, some of them were there last week, too, but I wasn’t, so everyone is new this week. At first I was really unsettled. Several “regulars” were there, but I was sitting surrounded entirely by people I had never really met. Considering that this involved change AND meeting new people, and my brain was having a Class A hissy fit. I almost left–but I had been working on finishing up some Christmas gifts and I was still sipping my latte, so I stayed.
Somewhere in the middle, I started to relax. To try and go with the flow. To remember that many of the regulars were once new people, and they were now a crucial part of our little group. I tried to focus on the fact that we were all yarn junkies, and all there for the same general purpose.
Really? It ended up being not all that bad. The new girls (we do have one male in our group, who does actually knit. His work is just beautiful) won’t replace those who have left, and it wouldn’t be fair for me to ask them to. That’s just not how it works. But at the same time, they were fun to be around, and you can’t really hope for much more than that.
I’m reminded of every time Facebook changes the layout of the pages. At first, everyone pisses and moans and starts groups that say “Bring back the OLD Facebook!” What’s ironic is that the layout will change once again, and people will start getting all starry-eyed for the layout they once protested. It has become their new normal. They got used to it. And they will get used to the new changes, too.
I’m trying to remind myself that not all change is bad. It’s inevitable, and it’s not always positive, but it’s also not always bad, either. I don’t think I will ever be fully comfortable with change, and I don’t know that I need to make that my goal. There are lots of things in life that I don’t like (changing the kitty litter, paying bills, etc) but I know have to be done and so I do them. Maybe that’s how I need to start understanding change and new things in my life. I often can’t stop things from changing, so accepting it is the next best step.